Eh..Who Cares..

2010-05-25T22:34:00.004-04:00

Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

my nephew. i ♥ this lil man

Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
---if i still had any of my exes photos, it would be here---

Day 09 — A photo you took

pool day with one of my younger sisters

Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago

---if i had a scanner, i would insert the image of me when i was like 3 or 4, in school in Haiti. i rocked ribbons & everything. yall would have gotten a nice smile out of it

2010-05-21T23:55:00.002-04:00

Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Grey's Anatomy! ♥♥♥

Day 04 — Your favorite book
cant currently think of any at the moment -_-

Day 05 — Your favorite quote
way too many. the one that sticks out the most to me right now is as follows:
"the mind is its own place, & in itself, can make a Heaven of hell, & a hell of Heaven"
---John Milton

Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
my new mantra: be

2010-05-18T16:08:00.007-04:00

Day 2 - Your favorite movie
Wow. This challenge is a bit m0re difficult than i thought. I have a lot of fave movies. Ima just name as many as possible off the top of my head.

The Proposal. Tristan & Isolde. Dear John. Holes. The Best Man. The Wood. Remember Me. Greta. Valentine's Day. Why Did I Get Married. Chloe. In Her Shoe's. My Sister's Keeper. Titanic. The Notebook. The Ugly Truth. 27 Dresses. Paid in Full. Menace II Society. The Breakfast Club. Love & Basketball. Dirty Dancing. Ghost...........

i can go on forever

2010-05-17T13:56:00.002-04:00

Day 01 — Your favorite song
currently, i cant pick just one. off the top of my head its between:
Alicia Keys: Wait Till You See Me Smile & Erik Hassle: Bump In The Road, due to the way they inspire me. As well as Erik Hassle: Hurtful because its the apology ive never recieved

2010-05-16T19:29:00.002-04:00

such a shame

2010-05-13T00:14:00.001-04:00

i love when i come on here & all my faves have made loads of new posts. makes my heart smile.

2010-05-10T00:35:00.000-04:00

Mama ♥'s Baby

2010-05-09T22:36:00.002-04:00

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! SPECIAL SHOUTS TO MY MOMMY. MY HEART IS HERS, ALWAYS.

I ♥ YOU MOMMY!!!

2010-05-09T22:26:00.002-04:00

I'd like to introduce you all to my future husband

he's super duper talented & he is slowly making his way to the top of my fave artists list.
i need to see this man live.

2010-04-24T01:04:00.001-04:00

fucking awesome

basic instinct--u got me

2010-04-20T19:07:00.002-04:00

im thinking this is a promo of sorts.
idk about her starting a rap career but im lowkey feeling this; its nice to see she has a hard side. i may just check for her new album.
the second half, "basic instinct", sounds like its gonna be a dope single though.
ciara, you have my attention.

2010-04-19T02:18:00.002-04:00

The Little Things.

The head of a company survived 9/11 because
His son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn’t go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.

One of them
Missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.

One’s
Car wouldn’t start.

One couldn’t
Get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work but before.
He got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am
Stuck in traffic,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone…
All the little things that annoy me,
I think to myself,

This is exactly where
I’m meant to be
At this very moment

[this only strengthens my belief that everything happens for a reason. "we plan, God laughs."]

2010-04-19T00:07:00.003-04:00

these artists are currently on repeat
[in no particular order]

-the script
-daniel merriweather
-la roux
-the fray
-maroon 5
-celeb forever
-nina sky
-alicia keys
-wiz khalifa
-india. arie
-justin bieber
-john mayer
-paramore
-lil wayne
-selena gomez
-major laser
-shontelle

2010-04-18T12:54:00.003-04:00

epiphany

why are so many young adults,mainly young women, [ages 17-23 or whatever the age range is] feeling ready to settle down? just about every girl i know, minus my bestie & half the time, myself, is tripping about being single or wanting to take the next step with their significant other. My question is why? Why, at such a young age do we feel the need to be tied down? To 'belong' to someone?
Now is the time that we should be experimenting, its the only time that we are really free to explore ourselves, our likes, dislikes, & build & evaluate different relationships with people without the pressures of adulthood that come with dating.

Let's face it: the shit we like now most likely wont be the same things we are into years down the road.
An old schoolmate of mine got married around some time last year, she was 18. What happens 10 years down the road when she & her husband grow apart or their feelings change? I dont mean to be pessimistic but the chances of that marriage lasting are pretty damn slim.
Is our need to be desired that overpowering that we feel incomplete within the confines of our remoteness?

I once read somewhere that "we like people not so much for how we feel about them but for how they make us feel about ourselves."

Speak on it.

love me for who i am.

2010-04-17T21:16:00.001-04:00

2010-04-17T10:45:00.001-04:00

i ♥ this dude.

ive always been into poetry & though its been a while since ive written a piece, i still love listening to it.

one of my fave spoken word artists. youtube him yall, he has so much talent

detremental - or good old double standard?

2010-04-16T19:10:00.003-04:00

So apparently BET thinks Teairra Mari’s “Sponsor” video is “detrimental to young women” & so they’ve pulled it from the network. That’s straight bullshit. Sure the lyrics are leaning a bit towards the trickin/gold digging side of the spectrum but that’s the beauty of a video---it allows you to see the artists interpretation of their work. Sidenote: The video was obviously supporting strong, independent women---hence why at the end we learned that Teairra was actually spending her own money.

Coming from a network that had BET: UNCUT where in just about every video, women were being treated as objects and were being portrayed in demeaning roles ---anyone else remember tip drill---?, I find their reason for not supporting Teairra unsatisfying.

Upon initially hearing the song, I loved the fact that she was back out. I appreciated her talent & how catchy the song was. I was a bit hesitant to sing along in public or blast it while on the road & all that just because the lyrics alone are opposite of what I stand for. However, once I saw the video all my inhibitions went out the door because I felt her. My interpretation of the vid was its great to have a dude who is willing & able to take care of your every need but that doesn’t have to be the end all say all. You can have that & still take care of yourself. Just because your dude has money doesn’t mean you have to rely on him. That’s what I got out of it.

Someone from T’s camp said that BET should have given her a chance to address the topic---hell I think they should hold an open forum on the topic of trickin/gold digging alone. If they’re so focused on the young women being misguided by the artists, why not sit em all down with the young women they’re affecting & speak on it?

What are yall thoughts?

2010-04-08T00:02:00.002-04:00

she's too pretty & talented to have done that. i think it was a fucked up move, career ending? No. Bad for her image? Quite likely.

Or maybe im just missing the 'creative genius'... --cough cough--

2010-04-06T14:05:00.000-04:00

1.

2010-03-31T21:02:00.003-04:00

..hearts not in it

2010-03-23T17:46:00.003-04:00

i dont know where i want to go with this blog anymore.
i get bored easily & i guess its about that time.
it just doesnt excite me like it used to.

i love writing but i hate feeling like i have to plus my schedule doesnt allow me to post every day so i doubt this new theme i had going on will continue.

& i refuse to put my life on blast like i did previously; with growth comes change

i just dont know---i gotta sleep on this

2010-03-20T21:33:00.004-04:00

one time for my followers!

sorry about the quality; webcam

xoxo sweetum-pops!

2010-03-20T10:29:00.002-04:00

i must have pissed mother nature off

cuz she brought me lady in red accompanied by pain---loads & loads of it.
i retired to my bed after last nights team training [plan 'retire by age 30' is still a go]
...speaking of last night----quite interesting.

i have to go clean the fridge & asses what damage lil sis has caused since she's been awake; idk if im ready for this.
.sigh.

ps: i really dont wanna get up but mommy dearest should be getting home soon & id like to have her [stay] in a good mood today.
arent i just the greatest daughter.

Thoughtful Thursday

2010-03-18T12:58:00.001-04:00

Wacky Wednesday

2010-03-17T23:45:00.003-04:00

just for laughs.

she THREW her!! lmao.

"im not a violent person whatsoever..." Flo

2010-03-17T23:07:00.002-04:00

oemeffing gee. my internet connection is back!!

i was w/o it for about 3 hours [my neighborhoods network was down =(] & i didnt know what to do with myself---its really sad but i was so lost.
anywhooooo---wednesday post coming now!

2010-03-16T21:40:00.002-04:00

truth be told

im not doing today's post.
its been a hell of a day & tomorrow is gonna be about the same.
im tired. im stressed out.
i need a moment.

Music Monday: Who That?

2010-03-15T20:29:00.003-04:00

He left his hometown of Melbourne for Downtown NYC at the age of 23. Daniel Paul Merriweather grew up in the poorer part of Melbourne, Australia. Growing up, he would get himself into dangerous and violent situations. He never graduated high school and after working at KFC for a couple months, decided that wasnt the route he wanted to take either---thats where he decided to try his hand at music.

Music had always been a part of his life; he began playing the violin at age four and he always sung. He was signed to Marlin records in Australia and ended up deciding to not release the album he had been working on due to his and the labels conflicting views. After meeting Mark Ronson, 18 months of writing and touring, and an incident with his vocal cords that could have severley damaged his career, "Art and War" was born.

Peep the link below & get to know him:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ihw6RO3ClGY

"Pointless pop culture annoys me, where a record becomes talking fodder or cool for 6 months, then that’s where I choose to bow out!"

info via danielmerriweather.com

2010-03-13T23:34:00.001-05:00

"dont you wanna ride on the short bus?"

lmao. enjoy

vid courtesy of worldstarhiphop.com

2010-03-13T20:11:00.002-05:00

fml

he came down from Jersey & we may not get to kick it before he goes back
=(

dissapointed is an understatement

2010-03-13T20:02:00.002-05:00

TGIF

2010-03-12T18:37:00.004-05:00

i was a bit down & frustrated last night, upon my return from a casting because of the mixed reactions to my being pidgeon--toed.
i came home & i ran across Aminata, a Victoria's Secret Angel, who is also pidgeon-toed & i felt empowered.
when this girl works a runway, she stands out in a good way. her walk is amazing.
she inspired me to get out of the stupor i was in & i realized that i cant let my being pidgeon-toed defeat me.
im gonna master it, own it, & work it.
the moral of the story is as follows, decide what it is you want, go for it; & dont stop till you attain it.

Good Thought Thursday

2010-03-11T16:55:00.003-05:00

Do it for YOU.

when its all over if you're not happy; what was the point?

BoB ft Bruno Mars: Nothin On You

2010-03-11T07:54:00.004-05:00

Enjoy!

2010-03-10T23:27:00.004-05:00

pick.me.up

late classes + a potentially long day tomorrow.
did i mention my migraines have returned with a vengeance---i never used to get them this often.
+ this fools testing my patience.
i can only remain civil to someone who's hurt me for so long & he is pushing it.
.sigh.
im gonna make it a movie night-----any suggestions?

Wacky Wednesday

2010-03-10T23:21:00.002-05:00

Its the middle of the week & if yalls week has been a third as hectic as mine has, i know you could use a good laugh.

enjoy.

2010-03-10T11:45:00.002-05:00

dear indecisive mug,

im tired of you not knowing what you want. my time/emotions arent to be toyed with. what we had ended months ago---& that was all your doing, need i remind you.
so all that shit you're talking now, stop it.

Bag-It Tuesday: Or Not..

2010-03-09T22:06:00.005-05:00

We all know how to blow money, but do we all know how to save it?
Ima take a wild guess & say we don't.
If you do: shit [tips hat]

Below you'll find some tips to keeping your pockets/pocket books off e.
1. get a roommate
this may not work for everyone. i like my space and my freedom & i hate restrictions. if you're like me when it comes to that then you're probably better off living alone.
however, if it does work for you, do it.
y'all could split the utilities and the rent. one of y'all pays for the cable, the other one can pay for the Internet.
you've just cut your spending it half---in 3rds if you're brave.

2. give yourself a monthly budget...
...& stick to it. that way you know exactly where your money is going & you're reminded of the important things. sure those $120 shoes look dope now but they wont be of much assistance when your electricity is shut off or you cant put gas in your tank

3. write down every purchase.
this is the one that'll work best for lazy people. i would do this & id get so annoyed of having to write everything down, i just wouldn't get it.
i'll be in the cafe at school like "ooo i can eat that, that, that, & that" then i'll realize that's four things to add to my list & i'll get upset like "fuck it". problem solved.

4. keep all your receipts
if you know where your money is going, its easier to track it & see what you're spending it on. when you look back on it & realize half the shit you buy was just a spur of the moment purchase, you figure out how to avoid those.

5. look for sales
ladies, there is nothing wrong with waiting till Vicky's Secret has a sale to buy some new bras and panties. & guys, its absolutley fine to buy the new J's after they go on sale.

6. give yourself an incentive
stop the spur of the moment purchases & instead save that money. at the end of a month or two, take a percentage of what you've saved & treat yourself to something nice/random.

ex: ladies, we do not need a new shade of nail polish/lip gloss/mascara every time we walk into a CVS or Walgreens. Save that money and at the end of the month, treat yourself to a night out or after a couple months, buy that new bluetooth you've been needing.

**make sure you decide on a percentage & use that same one every month. that way you're motivated to save more cuz that means you'll be able to spend more at the months end.

Be Smart guys.
Hopefully these tips help yall out some---i know they all work for me when i stick to them [yes, when. a girl has her weaknesses]
let me know if yall found it helpful or if yall tried em & the outcome.

2010-03-09T18:39:00.001-05:00

bbl with the Tuesday post. right now, its rehearsal time.
xo.

Music Monday: Who That?

2010-03-09T17:40:00.007-05:00

It has all the elements of a rags to riches story: a young girl living in poverty who leaves to follow her dreams & is now well on the path to stardom. At the age of 14 Tynisha Keli Soares moved to Los Angeles, a completely new city, with no friends or family, only to face more trials and tribulations.
Signed to MCA records at age 15, Tynisha joined a girl group. That didn't work out so well so she signed with a production company and later signed to Warner Brothers Records----she wasn't content with where the deal was going and after beginning her solo album, Tynisha decided to change directions. She began working with producers such as, Brian Micheal Cox, Co-Stars, and Justice League. Now, years later she is still putting work in.

Check out an interview with Ms. Keli here http://current.com/1kodc4c

Below is one of my fave tracks of hers, enjoy.

Tynisha Keli - I Wish You Loved Me (New)- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

ps: i know im late with the update but i [insert shrug here]. enjoy my loves.

TGIF

2010-03-05T14:55:00.003-05:00

lmao. i just cant. smh

enjoy yall randomness for the week.

2010-03-05T10:56:00.004-05:00

better than expected

my last day of spring break equates to mixed feelings.
classes.
ready to go back----but not really.

i must admit it has turned out better than expected though.
no crazy antics or stories to tell, but i got decent rest.
& my laptop!!! i call her Lola.

overall, lifes good.
im loved by the ones who matter.
im blessed.

Good Thought Thursday

2010-03-04T19:36:00.002-05:00

"Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible"

who says you cant?
peace up, index down.
tell em that.

Good Thought Thursday: Bon Jovi / Audrye Sessions

2010-03-04T19:17:00.005-05:00

Idk about yall but after watching this jawn, I wanna go make my mark on the world.

& the guys of Audrye Sessions always give me an ego boost with this one. Great band.

what had happened was...

2010-03-03T23:11:00.004-05:00

todays post was supposed to be freaking hilarious---i had it all planned out.
but due to my wack ass internet speed. things didnt quite work out. [cue tears]
i'll be on my shit with the Wednesday posts though---if i made promises, i would insert it here.
anywhooo. hope yall all had a fantabulously productive day.

have a safe night guys.

Bag-It Tuesday: Pay Less

2010-03-02T14:03:00.004-05:00

Whether you're a shop-a-holic like me (even though ive been on a shopping hiatus---cue tears), or you only treat yourself to some new gear once in a while, today is your day. Found some dope sales/discounts/promotions that I figure yall could appreciate.

unisex:

shop at www.karmaloop.com today & get 15% off of your entire order using the code: 15FAB
footlocker.com you get free shipping on all orders over $75. use source code: IPFLT22A
www.dockers.com free shipping on all orders over $100 & free returns

women:

married to the mob has select leggings, tee's, & sweaters on sale. ranging from $16.95-$180.95. shop here---> http://www.karmaloop.com/vendor.aspx?VendorCode=MOB
hellz bellz has selected items on sale from $12.95-$119.95 follow the arrow homay-----> http://www.karmaloop.com/vendor.asp?VendorCode=HLZ&bysex=2&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=search_engine&utm_term=hellz%20bellz
when you shop at www.bebe.com you get free shipping on all orders over $150 when you enter the code: SPRING10 before the 4th of April

wish i had more for guys but i dont really know where yall shop. **shrug**. & ladies, if i didnt cover where yall shop, i apologize.
if yall know of any other sales feel free to post em in a comment.
**salutes**

Music Monday: Who That?

2010-03-01T12:55:00.009-05:00

Davidson Pierre, better known as Black or DaDa hails from Broward County in Florida and is of Haitian decent.
You may remember him from 106 & Park where he performed what would soon be his 1st single "Imma Zoe" back in 2009.

He generated quite a buzz around himself from his 1st mixtape. Honing his talent and gaining the recognition and respect of fellow South Florida artists, DJ's, & promoters.

He has many upcoming magazine features in mags such as Hip Hop Weekly, Scoop, & Lumiere.
He was recently on Billboard's Top 100 R&B/Hip-Hop chart and he just may get back up there with his new single "Round Round Round".
He will be performing at South Florida's annual block party Calle Ocho on March 14th.
Black is currently working on his debut entitled F.L.A.

Below are his 1st two singles "Imma Zoe" & "Round Round Round".

"I live through my music and my music expresses how I live" - Black aka Dada.
info via: wikipedia & www.blackdada.com

dear blog

2010-03-01T09:10:00.003-05:00

you will soon be on a more focused path.

im changing the blog up. ive decided it needs to have more of a theme going on.
i'll still have random posts & life updates & the likes of, but the blog, overall, will have more structure.

talk to yall soon!
bisous.

blessed.

2010-02-27T00:20:00.001-05:00

i was in a collision early this morning & i thought i was done for.

thank God, both the guy involved & i walked away just fine.

my cars in the shop waiting for the insurance adjuster to take a look & all that so im carless for the time being.

im sure moms would let me drive hers but i dont like driving it. our cars are so different & im never really comfortable when i drive hers.

did i mention today, after classes, would begin my spring break?

yea, i know. sucks ass.

anywho.

i was real close to getting mad at God for a minute because the accident happened not even 30 secs after i finished saying my prayers, hoping i get to my destination safely. i felt betrayed.

after thinking about it some, in bed & over chinese food [mommy got me some to make me feel better =)] i realized, maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

i had plans for after classes so for all i know, perhaps i could have been involved in an even bigger crash & not had been able to walk away----thats such a scary thought.

so:

yea my cars temporarily fucked up, my insurance has to cover the guys little dent in his bumper [thats all he got, can you believe it?!], i have to wait for my car to be fixed, we had to pay towing expenses, i missed a day of school, i received a freaking $165 citation [right of way my buns], & my insurance is probably gonna go up but im alive.

thats really all that matters.

sure i'll probably have a sucky ass spring break---had plans with my bestie but since her car fucked up a week or so ago, thats probably not happening. & a friend is coming down from Jersey who i really wanted to hang with but again, the outlook on that isnt too good either =(----but i'll be here to talk about how sucky my spring break was.

after all of this, if ive learned nothing else, i have learned to count my blessings---sometimes they're the smallest of things.

in God i trust.

no hair dont care

2010-02-22T22:29:00.004-05:00

cutting my hair is one of the best decisions i could have ever made.
its forcing me to be creative & take risks.
i know, i know...its hair. but when you dont have enough to even attempt a ponytail, you're forced to "fix it up" or walk out of the house looking crazy.
its also making me a bit more comfortable with my features cuz its all out there---nothing is hidden.

i dont run from my fears/worries. i face em head on.

ps: no pun was intended

think good thoughts.

2010-02-20T16:41:00.005-05:00

"we do what we have to do so we can do what we want to do"---the great debaters

when you find yourself not in the mood to do something you know is important & beneficial to you---be it in the long run or immediately---& you question why you have to do shit you dont necessarily wanna do: think of the above.

ps: the great debaters was an amazing movie. if you havent seen it yet, i suggest you run to your nearest blockbuster or sign on to netflix or whatever & get that.

explanation & a raincheck.

2010-02-12T15:11:00.009-05:00

i feel obligated to explain why im not posting as much as i have in the past.
its still coming to me so bear with me as i attempt to explain

ps---the upcoming story is o so very relevant.

ive been subconsciously keeping to myself & im pretty certain that i know why.
i was in this relationship towards the end of last year [technically] & things didnt work out
i opened up to this person and began being who i was before i knew what heartbreak felt like.
i was being me---no inhibitions---no restrictions---no fear.
& aphrodite played with my emotions yet again.

ever since then ive been slowly but surely crawling back inside my shell.
i guess i feel like i shared so much of myself with someone & once again wounded up hurt so i subconsciously decided im simply not gonna share anymore.

i know yall probably looking like "oooook. what you want? pity?"
or
"...i dont see how this relates to me and my life..."
& to those [as well as comments/thoughts like them] i say,
yall dashboards is where my posts come up & yall followed me for a reason.

when a store runs out of a product they usually carry, they owe their customers an explanation & a guarantee that it'll be available at advertised price when its back on the shelves.

so here you are, my valued blogheads, my explanation & a raincheck.
check back when sharing is in stock.

start from the beginning.

2010-02-06T23:51:00.003-05:00

hey you,
yea------you.

whats your story?

understand your story & everything falls into place.
acknowledge your story thus far & get a chance to write your own ending.
share your story & make a difference.

I heard something along these lines earlier tonight from an extremely successful & wise business man, "we all walk this earth not knowing how extraordinary we are & the power we posses".

& its a shame----not knowing how far we can go when/if we apply ourselves.
being scared to try because we've failed in the past--because we've been told we couldnt do it--because we've grown up learning we dont deserve to be great.

who says we cant??
who the fuck are they??

ponder that.

too lazy to think of a title so i shall name you .

2010-02-04T22:28:00.004-05:00

i wish i had some amazing shit to tell yall but unfortunately this life of mine is amazingly uninteresting at this point in time.

i have a lotta shit going on:
shoots--shows--competition--school--work--& plan "retire by age 30" has been set in motion
[& its a grand plan, i tell you. with the help of some ridiculously successful mentors, ima make it happen"

all this stuff is going on but i really have nothing to share right now..

i get some random ideas throughout the day but as soon as i attempt to translate those thoughts into words, they become mass confusion & i have no choice but to hit that "save now" button & keep it moving.

**sigh**

anyway,
stay blessed yall.

ps:
DEAR JOHN COMES OUT TOMORROW!!!
IVE BEEN WAITING TWO MONTHS TO SEE IT!!!
OEMEFFINGGEE..IMSOEFFINGEXCITED!.......ok.byeeeeeeeee **waves**

you & me kid.

2010-02-02T23:03:00.004-05:00

dear heart,
its just you & i baby.

lazy much.

2010-01-30T09:50:00.002-05:00

ive been slacking on my posting.
i know.
'Ye shrug.
blame it on the laziness.
i havent really felt like sitting in front of a computer much.
[soon as i get home from work or rehearsal or classes, i head straight to the bed & dont get up for any other purpose besides showering, an occasional trip to the potty or to stuff my face.]
idk if my posting has suffered bcuz of that alone or partnering it w. my laziness to think.
ive had shit to say. i just havent been too enthusiastic about morphing those thoughts into words.
ima start posting in broken sentences or just thoughts when i get lazy.
its simplier that way.

photographs.

2010-01-18T10:44:00.002-05:00

my former photography professor says there are two types of photographers:
1. the ones who go out & look for things to photograph
&
2. the ones who turn every day things into photographs.

even though lots of my photography is abstract, i believe im both.
i go more for black & white photographs. i find them to be more classic & timeless.
im up for color photos as well. it really depends. the essence of certain things is better showcased in black & white.
i like to experiment.

i dont usually share my photography but idk. im in a sharing mood pour le moment.
and dont mind the hint of flash on the 1st four. they were shot with a pentax k1000 (the old school all manual camera---it uses film) so i took pics of the pics & cropped out the mounting boards with my camera phone.
i took these for a light & shadow assignment a month or so back.
this was by far my favorite assignment.
the 1st of the top three i shot outside of my house a while ago. the last two, i shot last month during a night on the town with my bestie & co. might include em in this collection i plan on doing on miami. its still untitled as of now. none of the titles ive thought of thus far have done my (3rd) city justice. but we'll see..
fyi: they were shot with my camera phone (samsung memoir). tell me that shit isnt bad ass.

im not working on any major photography until i can get the canon rebel.
no camera besides my phone at the moment. =( =( =(
i'll keep taking pics with my memoir though.
& perhaps i'll keep sharing

ps: take my pics & claim em as your own & we'll have a problem. please dont try me.

coping by living.

2010-01-15T13:30:00.004-05:00

Im sure all of yall are aware of the destructive 7.0 magnitude earthquake that literally shattered my hometown of Haiti this past Tuesday afternoon. As devastating as it was, i beileve that we are a strong people, we have made it through countless hurricanes & have managed to survive with whatever resources we had available at that moment & we can do it again.

Its difficult to watch the news & see/hear about all the destruction. Those are places that I have walked the streets of, places I have heard countless stories about from my parents, places I have gone to school, places I have slept, & most importantly places I have/had family. Yes, had. We lost my cousin & her newborn. Im upset that they're gone cuz i feel it was too soon. My cousin was in her early twenties (not that much older than I) & her daughter was only a couple months old. But after thinking about it, nothing ever really happens "too soon". Im excepting it.

I must say its beautiful how most everyone is coming together and helping out though. Whether they’re donating clothes, food, medical supplies, money, or effort. I’d like to personally say thank you to anyone & everyone who has done so. It is greatly appreciated. Thank you for being one of the people helping to bring aid & relief to my country. [even though technically im not supposed to pledge allegiance to any other country besides the US (that’s what the oath was when I became a citizen) but fuck that. Haiti is & always will be my country.

I do think this is a blessing in disguise. Im one of those crazy people who believe everything happens for a reason---sue me. Haiti has been experiencing poverty for way too long. Perhaps this earthquake is what was needed to get us actual help & perhaps once we bounce back from this, we can become better than we were before.

Shouts to Trey, Ashley & Michelle for addressing it in their posts. If people don’t wanna give just out of the kindess of their hearts, maybe they’ll do so cuz they like yall or whatever. Ppl are weird like that. Anyway..thank yall.

& people continue to ask me how im holding up & if im okay & all that jazz. I am. I deal with death differently than most folks. I try not to dwell on it. [ive been told its cuz no one “really close” to me has passed away & bla bla bla bla bla…..**blank stare**-------Again, everything happens for a reason.

So to answer the Q’s: How are you holding up sweetie? How are you dealing?? Are you alright???

The answer is: I am holding up by dealing. I am dealing by living. & yes, I am more than alright. I am not the one trapped under bricks & cement, I am not the one who no longer has a place to call home, I am not the one who is hungry but cannot eat, & I am not the one sleeping in the streets.

We all think we have problems till we hear someone elses story.

Now im sure yall have heard all this before but ima drill it in your head one more time:

DONATE! DONATE!! DONATE!!!

DONATE YOUR TIME: START A CLOTHING/FOOD/MEDICINE DRIVE FOR HAITI

DONATE YOUR VOICE: TALK ABOUT IT. [id rather you be about it but hey, maybe someone’ll get tired of hearing about it & donate to shut you up]

DONATE YOUR MONEY: EVERY CENT COUNTS.

TEXT YELE TO 501501 TO DONATE $5 TO WYCLEF’S YELE FOUNDATION.

TEXT HAITI TO 90999 TO DONATE $10 TO THE RED CROSS.

VISIT WWW.UNICEF.ORG YOU’LL SEE THE ARTICLE “EARTHQUAKE IN HAITI: EMERGENCY AID ARRIVES.” CLICK “DONATE NOW”.

My point is DO SOMETHING. We all have that capacity. & think about if the shoe was on the other foot. Wouldn’t you want assistance?

R.I.P Jesula & Alicia.
Even though i never got the chance to meet baby Alicia, i still love her.
& though yall are gone, im left with the memories.
Rest In Paradise my loves.

class is in session.

2010-01-08T09:27:00.003-05:00

..or at least i wish it was.
i am ridiculously bored with myself.
i've been on break for about three weeks & man o man.
im just ready to go back to school.
granted i needed this break cuz i work so hard during the semester but i feel so damn unproductive. i spend my days in bed, reading & watching tv under the covers. thats pretty much the essence of things right now.
no work. no photoshoots or rehearsals. no class.
nothing to engulf myself in.
**exasperated sigh** whats a girl to do??
i feel as if im at my best when im productive so i just need the Spring semester to begin so i can once again immerse myself into everything.

in the meantime if yall would be so nice as to deliver me from my bordeom -----> www.formspring.me/MsNanciMarie
it would be greatly appreciated.

.she still believes..

2010-01-04T10:40:00.003-05:00

if i knew how to paint, i would paint a picture of a land called "'love"'.
it would be filled w. broken hearts, tears, & hearts w. knives stuck through dripping blood.
the skies would be gray-ish blue hinting that it could rain at any given second.
there would be mountains the resembled mt. rushmore but instead of having the faces of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, & Lincoln, they would contain the faces of my past lovers.
there would be mini-explosions everywhere

but if you looked hard enough---past all the torn hearts & all the tears & explosions & darkness, you would see a little figure.

a girl in her f21 leggings & boots & off the shoulder sweater. she'll have her camera in tow.
there would be years of lessons learned in her eyes but a half smile on her face because even though everything looks so cut & dry & hopeless------she still believes.

one for the books.

2009-12-31T16:19:00.002-05:00

this year was a sucky one for me. i believe it was my worst year yet, but i appreciate it. going through all the shit i have been through this year alone, has taught me countless things & put me on to many more. im grateful for those experiences. each & every last one.

as the new year approaches, im striving to get past the negative mindsets these past situations have confined me w.in & to just grow. i wanna continue to learn the difference between being cautious & closing myself off. between giving chances & being naive. between being patient & wasting time. i wanna straddle those thin in between lines.

im not gonna make any resolutions & what not. my plan for '10 is to live.love&learn as well as to continue chasing my reality. [i no longer dream. i believe what most consider to be "dreams" are in actuality nothing less than their reality. it simply needs to be acknowledged as such-----"think it. do it."]
the best is yet to come.
im ready.

ps: i hope yall all have a safe & memorable new year. enjoy!

'09 memories

2009-12-30T19:36:00.003-05:00

Got this from the girly Aliyah at -----------> heavenonethernet.blogspot.com.

1]My favorite album was?
- J. Cole's "The Warm-Up" [yea it was a mixtape but shit was dopeness]

2]Most prized posession?
- ummers. my college education. [feel like im losing limbs every time tuitions due]

3]Shit I gave up on...
- having sex. refraining from having sex. m.dot. & buying everything i eat at school. [ima brown bag again. bet.]

4] Something I fell in love with...
- reading! [i hadnt read for leisure since i finished the Twilight saga]

5] A goal I accomplished was..
-getting above a 3.0 gpa. [now comes the hard part..i gotta maintain that sucka]

6] Something I changed about myself...
-teaching myself the difference b/w giving the benefit of the doubt & being naive.

7] Favorite Movie-
-NEW MOON.

8] I've been wanting it all year...
-A puppy. [Aliyah said it but i concur. i want a shiz tsu soooo bad =( ]

9] Historic event-
-I graduated high school & went to college [three cheers pour moi!]

10] BEST 2009 memory..
-the night the bestie dragged me to the club for Dre & Alex's birthdays. [can you say mem-or-a-ble???]

before i self-destruct.

2009-12-25T14:16:00.004-05:00

viva las nappy heads.

2009-12-23T15:59:00.008-05:00

i've been going back & forth about what to do with my hair for the longest time.
part of me wants to just cut it a la Agnyess Deyn & the rest of me wants to just grow it out.
its so confusing.

i know some of yall are not gonna understand why its such a complicated deal to me but its a huge deal. i've noticed that my confidence level often times is dictated by how my hair is that day. if im having a good hair day then my confidence is way up there. its at its peak. the second i feel as if my hair isint up to par, i get self conscious & more reserved & fade into the background.

i think its a mixture of a situation i experienced coming up as well as the way the media portrays it.
when i was younger, like in kindergarten, this lil white girl made it a point to make it clear to me that she & i couldnt be friends because my hair was not like hers. her hair was down to her back, long & silky straight while mine was barely touching my shoulders & coarse. that was what really began my hair issues.
it made me feel as if i would be judged & excluded from certain things if my hair didnt look like it was "supposed" to.
i think it was a subconscious thing because i never really understood why i had issues w. my hair & why is mattered so much to me, until recently.

now the media.
oh the media. lol.
they arent much help.
i feel like they dont put enough emphasis on the women w. my hair texture or hair thats even around the same length as mine, as far as black women go. i cant name one black woman thats in the media who's natural hair resembles my own. we're made to think that "beautiful hair" is long & sleek & sexy & soft. i think there needs to be more women with kinky ass hair being portrayed/labeled as beautiful.
& we need to be taught how to work w. the hair we have.
most magazines limit their hair ideas & treatment options, ect etc to the folks w. naturally soft shiny hair.
i cant relate to that.
when my hair is au natural & the relaxer begins wearing out idk wth to do w. it.

now its too late for me. im already in that place where unless my hair looks/feels freshly relaxed & is manageable, im uncomfortable.
but maybe if some things changed the next generation wont get stuck in the same mindset i am as far as hair is concerned.
i wanna be able to feel comfortable w. my hair & im working on it.
& yea i know its not all on the media & that lil white girl. it has just as much to do w. me as it does them.
i gotta allow myself space to get to the point where im able to overlook what the public has to say, what that lil girl thought, as well as what i was taught was acceptable. working on it soooo. we'll see.

just a thought.

2009-12-20T15:15:00.003-05:00

since two negative make a positive,
why dont two wrongs make a right?

quote unquote

2009-12-19T22:55:00.002-05:00

"We all die.

The goal is not to live forever,
the goal is to create something that will."
--Chuck Palahniuk

damn "simultaneous feedback"

2009-12-16T12:43:00.002-05:00

i just took my intro to communications final & boy am i upset.
i missed a freaking question that i KNEW yet when i get to that question my mind goes blank.
i cant remember shit.
i sit there & stare at the paper for at least 10 minutes in hopes that if i stare at it enough it'll come back to me.
i end up being the last motherfucker in the class so i say fuck it.
soon as i leave, i pull out my notes & the answer was so effing obvious!
im mad as hell i missed it cuz i knew that shit inside out.

the question:
what are the two main differences between face to face and mediated communication?

answer that stumped me:
simultaneous feedback & lack of social roles

two meesly words. **blank stare**
damn that "simultaneous feedback"

said & done.

2009-12-13T23:28:00.004-05:00

its about that time.
my finals begin tomorrow & im feeling good.
the only one im worried about is psychology. i should do pretty well on everything else as long as i hit the books & bring out the notes.
the only thing im stressing is making a 3.0 gpa. if i make & keep that then i can be in the honor society. not only does that look great on a transcript but then i would get more money for school.
thats what im really worried about. private school is expensive & im uber terrified at the thought of not being able to complete my education.
ima keep my fingers crossed & review like something serious.
so nighty night babies. i wanna be well rested for tomorrow.

ps:
i know some of yall have finals to worry about as well (Aliyah, Trey, LaiParis) so good luck yall.
study hard!

apples to apples.

2009-12-12T10:42:00.003-05:00

note to self:

there should be no comparisons.
we shouldnt judge people or assume they're gonna do something solely because it has happened to us before.
it may be a similar situation (???) or it could be completely different.

stop being biased & tryna stay in control of every situation.

let shit fall into place.

granted, it sucks to get hurt.
..to be lied to
...to get cheated on
..to have been used & abused
.....to be unnapreciated.....................................................................but thats life.

its not all flowers and rainbows and butterflies.
its pain. sadness. tears. its life.
& you're never gonna have a completly happy life unless you learn to treat people as they show you they deserve to be treated.
'he' isint 'him'.

despite popular belief, you cant compare apples to apples sweetie.

flight school.

2009-12-11T01:16:00.002-05:00

baggage like im tripping...

i am so emotionally imbalanced.
i should come w. a fucking caution sign or something.

& i heard em say

2009-12-04T15:28:00.004-05:00

it was dope.

Video Mayhem II took place last night and im hearing good stuff.
i feel like we could have went in harder as performers and all but hey, im my worst critic. i am super duper proud of myself though because i stayed in character for every single scene. "Marie" left the building as soon as the lights came on for "black shades" & didnt come back until after "feel it".
from what i've heard, i rocked it.

unfortunately, everything didnt run smoothly (people missed their scenes, had to strip & get dressed in the wings, lost my belt, got make-up on an outfit, stubbed my toe, tripped...) but i had a great time. wish i could do it all over again.

i can honestly say that the long nights/mornings & sometime full days spent rehearsing these scenes repeatedly,
the stress,
the tears,
the anger,
the frustration,
all of those things were worth it.
i cant wait until Chicago! **begins counting down until May**

p.s: my sister supposedly took lots of pics & whatnot so i'll peep em when i get home later (was too tired to do it last night) & i'll see if they're blog-worthy.
laters sweetums.

no flash.

2009-11-30T15:22:00.010-05:00

upon viweing these shots: (in order of appearence) ana selezneva by hedi slimane

helena christensen & a pic from "hair storm" by solve sundsbo, i am inspired to conduct a nude shoot of my own. i've always loved nudes for the simple fact that if done properly they can be so intruiging & fresh. im planning on doing a mid december nude shoot. still thinking of a theme & who i wanna use as subjects (ex: pregnant women, athletes, tall amazon type women...etc, etc) but im having crazy, outta this world thoughts =) im dumb excited!

if yall have any ideas, i'd love to hear em. post a comment or email me: itsmariebaby@aol.com

ps: shouts to my new follwer Eury. i'll peep your work as time permits ma. later sweetums.

thankful.

2009-11-29T12:05:00.004-05:00

Thanksgiving was a BLAST.
i love my family. we are all so busy & we never have family time so it was really nice when we all came together and bonded over Thanksgiving dinner.
i don't remember the last time we all ate any meal together, let alone dinner so that was really nice.

i realized how blessed i am.
i didnt forget but i think i tend to push that to the back. i dont acknowledge my blessings on the daily & Thanksgiving made me aware of that.

The food was BOMB & everyone had a great time.
i wish my older sister & nephew could have come down from Orlando but besides that, Thanksgiving '09 was the best.

p.s.: sweet potato pie with whipped cream is the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
next year i have to have a couple (yes, couple) for myself

what was ya'll Thanksgiving experience like?

passion intensified.

2009-11-22T01:24:00.003-05:00

think BIG.
fuck dreaming
you cant get anything constructive done w. your eyes closed.

if you dont have an idea where you wanna be ten, or even five years down the road, i highly suggest you begin to ponder that.

i attended this event the other day where we had a panel of experts in the public relations field give us tips & insight about the field.
i loved it. i gained so much knowledge, i honestly feel like i can take on the world after that.
i want yall to feel the same thing.
find your niche. find something you're passionate about & pursue it!
make shit happen.

xoxo sweeties.

& this is how my speech goes..HonestScrap

2009-11-07T19:53:00.005-05:00

Aliyah nominated me for the "Honest Scrap" award. **does victory dance** Thanks mama. Now lets get into it

The Honest Scrap Award Rules

1. Present the award to seven bloggers whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design or who have encouraged you.
2. Tell those seven people that you have given them the Honest Scrap Award.
3. Share ten honest things about yourself.

im gonna nominate:
Trey
Landre
Sergio Wonder & Co.
Christian
Chantale
&
Ashley

**shit. i only have 6 i can really give that to**

Now, ten honest things about me:
1. i always got picked on and was usually the underdog growing up. i remember back in kindergarten this 1 girl said she didnt wanna be my friend anymore cuz my hair wasnt long like hers. & i was always making the honor roll and this 1 time after a lil ceremony i got jumped while walking home & these boys broke my little trophy.

2. i dont like three out of my seven brothers & sisters just because i feel they're fake to the highest level. i purposely dont give them the time of day when they try to come in my life cuz i know its not sincere & im fine w/o em. i know thats bad cuz fam is fam but i dont even see em like they're my family. they havent been in my life since forever & a day so im good.

3. sometimes i blatantly lie to my parents about what im gonna be doing & with who. i know its wrong but fact of the matter is they make the biggest deals about the smallest shit. if it were up to them id probably be living in a bubble. life is too short for me to be worrying about all the negative things that can potentially occur when i walk out of the house. if its my time to go, its my time. whether im in the house or not. feel me? so i try & live like every day is my last cuz for all i know, it is.

4. my biggest fears include never finding that "one". i guess my "soul mate" or whatever. being abandoned. dying before i accomplish all that i want to accomplish & being forgotten when i die. im petrified of that cuz if once i die im forgotten, its as if i was never here to begin with. i wanna leave behind a legacy so i'll never really be gone.

5. im just now beginning to be comfortable being with a black man as far as a relationship or anything sexual goes. im not prejudice against em or anything but growing up they caused me the most grief and belittled me the most so in the past i was always hesitant to be with them for fear of experiencing all those feelings again & feeling like they'll never accept me.

6. i cant stand when a dude wants head but wont return the favor. nigga this is not a one way street. & i hate when girls act like sucking dick is the most disgusting thing in the world, then they go home & get on their knees, or however they choose the handle it. dont be a hypocrite. cant respect that.

7. i love reading but i never have time for it anymore. i used to carry a book everywhere. the bathroom, dinner table, bed. i always had my head in one. i remember when there was nothing better than cuddling up with a good book & getting lost in the words. i miss that.

8. you can usually find me with a pair of headphones in my ears. i listen to everything from Lupe to Sugarland to Beethoven to Cyndi Lauper. music is essential

9. im a walking contradiction. im seriously silly & speak with honest sarcasm

10. im doing big things & have even bigger ambitions. & i honestly feel like if i dont reach self-actualization i will have failed life. period. i think thats one of the reasons why i hustle so hard now. failure is not an option of mine.

executive decison.

2009-11-05T00:45:00.002-05:00

after lots & lots of thinking, i have decided to choose celibacy over sex.

i've decided to remain celibate until i am in a meaningful relationship. none of that month & a half/2 month shit.

1. it will really allow me to weed out who is genuinely interested in getting to know me and to what extent.
i know if i was a dude & im not really into a chick like that, there is no way in hell i would hang in there for four months with no sex. its not happening. so if a dude is willing & able to do that then that tells me they're interested enough to wait & in turn, my not giving it up will earn me respect. & thats big cuz the element of respect plays a huge role in relationships..intimate or not. if someone respects you, there are certain things they wont even consider doing to you.

2. it sets up a situation where we have to actually get to know one another. we have to take the time & actually have some type of intimate conversation/interaction
**sidebar: intimacy does not necessarily relate to sex or getting physical.
good conversation stimulates my mind so thats very important to me

&&
3. it controls the amount of people you sleep with

im a passionate person & i dont believe in always inhibiting myself so if im feeling a dude & it gets to that point where the opportunity to connect on that sexual level arises, its definitely an option of mine.
but lets face it, having a lot of partners is not cute. i take pride in being able to count the dudes i've messed with on one hand
**sidebar: im not disclosing a particular number. thats my business.
& i like to keep it like that. when you get to the point that you cant remember how many folks you've slept with, its not a good look. & theres no judgement on my part. im just saying

so..hear ye' hear ye'

i am now a member of the "dont stick me" club.

that is all

finish the lyrics!

2009-11-01T01:00:00.001-04:00

"all i do is separate the game from the truth
big bang boots from the bronx to bolivia
getting physical like olivia newt
tricks suck my clique dick all day with no trivia
so gimme a ho, a bank roll, & a bag of weed
----------------------------------------------"

can yall finish the lyric?
&& no cheating!

m[issing] i[n] a[ction]

2009-10-31T22:10:00.003-04:00

i've been gone a nice lil minute. my apologies. life is just so hectic right now. this is honestly the only time i've had to myself [even though technically im not by myself..everyones running around being their usual loud asses----except moms. she's knocked ouuuuuuut. anyways..] & i've decided to share some of it with yall cuz i <3> yall so much.

ima do a lil updating. let yall know what i've been up to, whats been going on & all that:

-school has become more & more challenging. not because of content but because of the amount of work that needs to be put into getting all my assignments done
[i have an essay or a speech, a paper or a photography assignment due just about every other week & that probably seems like plenty of time but between attending classes, lectures, work, meetings & rehearsals---my time is limited. by the time i get home at around 11pm on a good day, im done for.]

-Video Mayhem is creeping up on us so rehearsals are getting longer and tougher but im super excited.
[i love performing plus i think we are blessed with the best choreographers ever. believe that]

-im learning that my mistrust of dudes is pretty much justified.
[there are exceptions to every rule..i already know this]

-im also learning that im not always right so when im wrong---i need to get the fuck over it

-i have a new-found appreciation for Teyana Taylor

-im becoming more confident. sometimes im a bit shy
[key word: sometimes]

-im learning more about myself thanks to my communications & public speaking class

-my parents are looking for that house i mentioned in a previous post & guess who finally gets their own room
[yipeee]

-i dont know what the heck to do with my hair. [im in dier need of a perm. like fareal but i think im gonna just keep my hair braided till i have to get it done for the show. that way afterwards i'll stick to perms and treatments & all that. think i need a break from weaves so my hair can grow to its full potential]

-im "officially" a u.s citizen
[i've been one since like '05 or '07 or something but i never swore in sooooo it wasnt official till yesterday morning..bla bla bla]

-my dads cousins daughter is staying with us till i dont know when & im finding it really irritating.
[i have nothing against her. i just really dislike having folks around me all the time. i like my space but shes fam so whatever. im sucking it up]

um...what else...?

-i cant wait for spring break!
[Barry has this thing called Alternative Spring Break where we go to another city, this year its Washington, & do community service like habitat for humanity or something. i really wanna take part in that so hopefully O.I. wont have any shows on deck so i can go..]

-though im only a freshman, i really wanna get college over with.
[i love the experience but im ready to begin my career..]

-ive been doing a good job at distancing myself & M Dot
[pats self on the back]

&

-i honestly think that im at my best when im productive so i welcome the craziness. bring it!

=)

p.s: im on my way to peep all my fave blogs so expect comments sweets. i missed yall!
xoxxooo

.reminder.

2009-10-19T21:22:00.005-04:00

life is one big test that you cant study for.
you just have to make it through.
there are gonna be times where you just wanna curl up & cry. & then there are gonna be times where you wanna sing at the top of your lungs. through it all you must remember one thing.

sometimes that means admitting you're weak. admitting that you're dire in need of something. admitting that you cant do it alone.
then either changing your situation or hanging in there.

weakness is a strength if acknowledged.
make it happen.

dear...

2009-10-19T15:55:00.006-04:00

girl who was waiting for the shuttle this morning whose spot i took,
im sorry. as i sat there in the warm seat & you stood in the cold, waiting, i felt really bad. i was gonna just hop off & let you or one of the other folks who had been waiting before me get on......but i dont really like attention in certain situations & me hopping out of the shuttle to tell you you could get on would have exactly done that. i apologize.

girl who acted like she couldnt hold the heavy ass door an extra second so i could get through yesterday,
you're a douche. my freaking arms were filled with stuff & i was like a step behind you. you suck. i hope you stumble on your shoelace.

everyone who still has something to say about the way i walk,
yes. i know. im pigeon-toed. get the fuck over it.

everyone who told me my hair was nice today,
that was nice cuz nowadays folks dont really compliment one another. they're too busy acting stank. so thanks huns. hopefully i can keep it this nice till i get my perm.

people who act like they dont know they need to slow down when they approach the crosswalk leading to the campus,
fudge you with a super cold Popsicle! we have classes to get to you know. & for the man in the lexus---try it again & i will make sure you run my ass over...well maybe not me. but shit, you will be putting somebody through college. i thank you in advance on their behalf.

everyone who has & will make fun of my broken passenger side door handle,
at least im riding. next time you think its funny that i have to roll the window down for you to open the door....you will walk the rest of the way to wherever you're tryna go. bite the hand that feeds you & starve.

t. mobile,
why the hell are yall taxes so high?? yall told me my phone bill was gonna be around $76 & some change so why is my bill $90? is $12 worth of taxes really necessary? if my bills gonna be this high all the time ima drop yall & get with the iphone. they'll only charge me like $10 more. i like yall, so get it together please.

mommy & daddy,
since yall are planning to buy a house really soon..can yall keep in mind that im 18? that means since im stuck living with yall for hopefully only the next year & half, id like it if i had my privacy. yall forcing me to stay here, can yall at least accommodate a girl though?

my crazy ass little sister,

sometimes yall just irk me soooo bad! but I LOVE YOU LITTLE BOOGERS!!!

folks who read my blog,

thank you

folks who actually read my blog & comment,

thank you this much! =)

ok. bye!

wet dreams.

2009-10-19T01:28:00.003-04:00

i want to have sex in the rain.
something about getting pelted with cold rain drops while my partner shows me who's ass it is turns me on to the highest degree. & rain = outdoors, which means we just may get caught or be seen.
&& theres always a picnic table involved. (feel free to cultivate your own fantasy from there)

**inhales**
now pardon me as i watch this man fuck the shit out of this long haired, thick, black bone & proceed to get me a nut.

i've been tagged

2009-10-17T21:03:00.008-04:00

so Aliyah from heavenoneathernet.blogspot.com has tagged meeeeeeeeee. --thanks babes-- so here goes:

this is the little man in my life. my nephew Seth. i actually took this pic with him like earlier last year when he & his moms came down for a visit.
**sidebar: you can totally see my glasses in the background..& yes thats a Cheetah Girls pillow case. lol
i love this lil dude with every single fiber of my being. he's so bad..lol. im blaming it on the "terrible two's" stage though.

he's my honey bunches of oats & i miss him o so very much!!! **cue tears & sobs** lol

now....
i have to tag some folks
& they areeeeeeeee:
-Lyrix Flowchild
-Christian
-Darren
-Ashley
&
-Mimi

the rules are as follows:
1. Open your 1st pic folder
2. Scroll down to the 10th pic (dont cheat!)
3. Post that photo and story on your blog.
4. Tag 5 or more people

have fun with it guys!

its about that time.

2009-10-16T23:31:00.003-04:00

i try & peep my dashboard on a daily basis (minus these past couple days. its been pretty hectic)
& the amount of bullshit some folks im following post is getting to be pretty damn annoying.
i understand its their blog & they can post whatever the fudge they want.
& thats all dandy.
my whole thing is, if i wanted to know everything sites like www.theybf.com & www.concreteloop.com & all the other gossip blogs like em post, id just visit their sites. i prefer to hear what has to be said from the horses mouth.

no offense to folks who re-post once in a while. **sidebar: & yes its a re-post cuz someone else worked hard to post the same shit you just published when they did it 1st.
if you find something interesting then thats your biz. i did it once when i posted about the whole Lil Boosie & the pills situation. but religiously doing that shit is so fucking annoying.
a little piece of advice: if you really have nothing to say, dont post dumb shit as a filler. your readers wont appreciate that.

now that ive said my piece you may take it as you please. if you feel this applies to you, then what can i say?
get mad then get the fuck over it.

now, as you think of all the obscene things you'd like to say to me or as you decide that you are in accordance, i will do my duty as an avid blog reader & unfollow some bs.

thank you & goodnight

its not an ultimatum..

2009-10-16T22:16:00.004-04:00

...he just has a choice to make.

so i approached M Dot about our status the other day & dude came at me with the "we're a bit more than friends but we're not together" line.
i guess i expected that considering he "doesnt like to put labels on things" & all that ish he came with when we first began kicking it.
so dude basically said "we're friends with benefits for now". he had to throw the 'for now' in there right? confused the hell outta me.

he's a smart nigga though. i'll tell you that. cuz he knows if he just said we are friends with benefits (which i dont care what anybody says, means 'fuck buddies') i would have most likely had some slick shit to say & probably would have cut him off or something.
but once he put that "for now" in there, shit made me type hopeful.
smart motherfucker.

i told a friend of mine about what happened & he basically thinks dude is full of shit. he told me "if dude took that long to come up with yall being "friends with benefits", its going to take him longer to decide he wants to be with you"

now thats a valid ass point.
shit sucks for me though cuz im the type of person who tends to give folks the benefit of the doubt just because you don't always know a person's situation, you know? you never know why they behave or see the world as they do so i dont like to scratch em off right off the bat.
**sidebar: maybe thats why im always getting hurt. hm**

i know this is gonna sound madd ignorant & foolish, cuz thats what i think when i look at the situation from a 3rd persons viewpoint,
BUT
im giving him a chance.
he has until late December to get it together.
he said that he wants to see where this can go & what feelings will develop but idk. sounds like crap. (but then again, one never truly knows.)

all in due time though. i'll try & keep yall updated.
right now im going to focus on keeping he & i distant & re-conditioning myself to keep my guard up & think like a nigga. i think i need to take it back to how i used to be.
anyways.
he has like two months & some change to get it together.
(in two months it'll be a new year soooo if shit doesnt work out i'll start fresh. no biggie.)

& as i said: its not an ultimatum. he just has a choice to make.
that he doesnt know about.

product of my past.

2009-10-12T21:23:00.004-04:00

my professor was talking about how someone who has been lacking something for so long latches onto it when they do get it suddenly everything made sense.
sometimes i get attached a lil quicker than i would like to certain people. i think its cuz they embody what i feel i've been missing.

lets take my "relationship" or whatever it is M Dot & i have for example. Im really feeling buddy. Not just because he's attractive but i like his mind, i love listening to what he has to say, i like his being accepting of me (ditzy & silly moments & all), & i like shutting him up when he gets a lil too big headed. there's more than just a sexual chemistry there.
**sidebar**i made him play patty cake with me & he actually did it! most dudes i know would have just given you the side eye & left it at that. not dude. he actually entertained my silliness.
it was cute that he tried even though he was probably like "wtf....".
anyways...

...i think im so attracted to him because he pretty much represents what i want in a man & how i want to feel when im around him. he brings out the softer side of me. i feel like its perfectly fine to be a tad bit vulnerable. && thats something i havent had in a long time.

if yall have been following my ish from the beginning you'd know im not usually the type to be feeling a nigga like that. i tend to keep em distant so its difficult for me to understand why all of a sudden im feeling some type of way.

im feeling like i need to put my gaurd up even higher now since i actually care about buddy. so yesterday instead of he & i kicking it as planned, i told him id rather work on my homework assignments (which was true in the sense that i did have to work on my photography assignment but a lie in the sense that id rather have been with him)
i changed my mind because i feel like i make myself too available to him. no dudes gonna respect that, they're gonna use it to their advantage & im really tired of getting hurt.

idk.
im rambling.
i guess the moral of this story is: analyze yourself. why do you behave as you do? you might be surprised at how you answer those questions.

you just may be the product of your past

.sucker.

2009-10-11T23:24:00.002-04:00

im a sucker for life.

at times i complain about how i could do w/o all the craziness & pain & stupid shit that it comes with but i love it all.
i've been analyzing this life im living for a while now & i must say im proud of where i am at the moment.
i do, however, feel that this is just a stepping stone for the future. everything that i have/im doing will teach me to do better in the future.

i have colossal goals. i know exactly where i wanna be & exactly what i want to be doing & i pray to God that all my dreams are fulfilled.

life throws its curve balls so perhaps i wont achieve everything i have my heart set on doing...but then again, perhaps i will. one things for sure though: not trying is a sure method of failing.

planning for success. can you say the same?

um. sms. bullshit really

2009-10-11T17:37:00.004-04:00

i wanna effing scream!
my hair is itching like a crackhead needing a fix & im this close to taking the shit out.
the only thing stopping me is the fact that i cant perm it right away cuz my scalp will get irritated & im supposed to be kicking it with this nigga, we'll call him M Dot, tomorrow & he doesnt need to see the naps just yet..lol
we'll hold out on that till the end of month numero uno, right Aliyah? lol
im mad moms is not doing the laundry today. i know, i know. im grown, i can do it myself but we all stay together so it makes no sense for us to do laundry separately. plus im about to get on that hw so i am not going to the laundromat. not today. anyways, so now my outfit choices for tomorrow are limited. ugh
highly upset
i cant wait to try my new nail polish! its called Classic Coral Creme. its like an orange/ peach type color & i wanna get this hot pink off (even though i love it. i try to switch up the nail polish every two weeks at the most)
i watch porn almost every single day. sms (shrugging my shoulders) dont judge me.
i think the best blog posts are either uber random or uber thought provoking.
when i know im about to do something i have to lie to my parents about, i get super duper paranoid like i think of every single negative thing that could happen. the scariest thought is what if i die, God forbid. **bites lip & furrows eyebrows**
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS!!! I must go big for my 19th. Im not a huge party animal but its New Years Eve. i gotta take advantage of that.
just realized i havent began saving for my trip to NY. =( i should get on that
does soulja boy really think his arrest will get him street cred??
im feinding for a new tat! & guess where i want it. lol
just because i look twice when a gorgeous girl walks by doesnt mean im into that. i dont wanna fuck her. i dont wanna eat her out. i dont wanna even touch shorty. im just saying, she's fine.
im tired of this damn FL heat. i've lived here for like 14 years, you'd think id be accustomed to it already. smh
i LOVE my pentax k1000 (camera. it uses film & i have to actually develop & print the pics myself----i hate the developing part but im down for making the prints)
Family Guy is the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

forgive me for the pure randomeness---im just o so bored right now. xoxo to my babes who read my ish no matter how irrelevant. =)

..talking bout facts

2009-10-09T20:59:00.005-04:00

My name is Marie and I am "more than what you bargained for". I like to talk to myself and I also HATE when people cut me off. I have two older brothers and five crazy ass sisters. I wish i didnt have to be so guarded sometimes and that i lived by myself in a loft in the art district on south beach. In order for me to survive I need good music, sex, sex, more sex, even more sex, mango flavored fuze, smartwater, porn, the re-occurring daydream that Cudi or Logan-Marshall Green & i will get married someday, a purple or pink ipod touch & headphones. I hate dishonest people, fake bitches and ungrateful motherfuckers. I have no “patience & I hate waiting”. People most likely think im super duper confident but i can be insecure. I need to continue to believe everyday. I know how to provoke thoughts. I need to get a MAN in my life who is on my level or above, i could use some mental elevation. I don't like it when people are quick to judge or cant take a joke. I have an abundance of thoughts to share. When I am bored I like to picture my life years from now the way i want it to be. By the end of the day all I want is to know that im that much closer to my dreams, cuddle up with my significant other & watch a movie, make good love & fall asleep with him still inside of me. In 10 years I want to have my own PR firm, a loft in the art district, a range rover sport with all black everything, & the knowledge that my parents & family are proud of me & the choices I have made. I guess you can say I cant wait for the things life has in store for me!

That is all.

Obama...Really?

2009-10-09T15:23:00.005-04:00

for those of yall who havent yet heard---Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize.

prior to even commenting on that, let me say just say that i am a supporter of Obama. i think he's done a great job at inspiring. He has broken every barrier that was previously thought of as being unbreakable. I have much respect for him and am looking forward to the chnanges he has promised to make.

but

im kinda surprised that the award went to Obama this year.
the Nobel Peace Prize has a history of going to "the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses" ---according to industrialist & inventor Alfred Nobel, whom the prize is named after.

now i can sorta kinda see where they were going when they picked Obama but i feel as if he hasnt yet deserved it. Thats a MAJOR honor. like COLOSSAL. I do believe that Obama has the potential to indeed reach all the requirements set forth by Alfred Nobel but i dont feel as if he has yet accomplished em all. I respect Prez Obama & im happy for him but im still kinda "eh" on the whole situation.

***UPDATE: i forgot to mention this when i first made the post earlier, but i love how he's donating the milli & change of prize money to charity.
Obama baby. =)

& for anyone who perceives this as me attacking Mr. President or disregarding his efforts in any way. No celibacy for your ass cuz you obviously cannot understand the difference between simple disagreement & blatant disregard.

that is all

no bueno.

2009-10-08T00:11:00.003-04:00

im so pissed off right now. like dead ass.
this twigga & i are tweeting & we're joking around & whatever. a while later i tweet that im tired. dudes like "if you're tired then be quiet & go to sleep hoe".

like what the fuck? who the fuck are you to speak to me like that?
the tweet wasnt even much directed towards his ass mind you.
like i know we're cool but im not cool enough with anybody to have em calling me names & shit. thats a no go.

part of me feels like maybe he was joking (even if he was, i dont like that..) but the other half of me wants to go in his shit & let him know a thing or two.
for those of yall who think im over-reacting: no celibacy (that means fuck you). **sidenote: yes. i coined "no celibacy".**

for those who arent with the program, allow me to remind you that i've been verbally & emotionally abused. i've been called just about every single derogatory name in the book & treated like the dirt on the bottom of your shoes so when folks call me out of my name, especially males, i take it really personal & thats just not cool to me.

i dont give a fuck what anybody says. shit just doesnt fly.

have you ever..

2009-10-07T15:45:00.003-04:00

..wondered why flowers look so pretty yet smell so effing foul?

..picked your nose when you thought no one was looking? key word: thought

..lied. got caught. then lied again & got off scotch free?

..forgotten to brush your teeth so you went through like 3 packs of winterfresh that day?

..forgot to do the wash so you had to wear a pair of your moms granny panties & went through the whole day hoping it doesnt show through your jeans?

..forgot to do the wash & had to wear one of your lil sisters undies & by hour #3 wanted to unofficially proclaim the day wedgie day?

..what would happen if you drove around your city making only left turns?

..gotten caught masturbating by one of your parents & had to play it off?

..had sex with only your shoes on?
(thats not cute for the men btw. the ladies could get away with it though)

..seen some really explicit shit, told whoever it was who showed it to you how disgusting it was & how you dont wanna see that..........& then you go home & try to find it?

..lied about sleeping with someone?

..clipped your toe nail & then smelled it?

ok im done...& for the record, ive only done like 8 things on this list. lmao. & the brushing your teeth one is definitely not one. im very anal about hygiene.
that is all.
now proceed to silently admit that you too are guilty of some of the aforementioned.

am i missing something?

2009-10-07T15:08:00.004-04:00

dear mr. youknowwhoyouare,

thank you for acting as my little voice of reason when it comes to fucking (both literally & figuritivley) with the male species.
i appreciate you for that but no. i do not miss you. now please cross me off your list & ask the next one in line, perhaps she'll tell you what you would like to hear.

that is all.

nothing...

2009-10-06T23:46:00.003-04:00

...is sexier than a dark skinned dude in a fitted white tee or v-neck.

now please dont get it twisted. i love all my dudes regardless of race or color & all that but just the contrast of the crisp white shirt on his hard black body is just a sight to behold.

swear it makes me wanna do some things.

honestly.

2009-10-05T15:45:00.007-04:00

courtesy of: www.photobucket.com

Top 10 MC's of '09

2009-10-04T23:23:00.003-04:00

10. Raekwon
--i dont know a lot about dude or even really fuck with him like that. i just know he was part of the whole Wu Tang movement so he must be skilled cuz Wu Tang delivers. always.

9. 50 Cent
--definitely not one of my fave rappers but i cant even get mad at dude. although he hasnt really been putting shit out like that he's still been grindin. the mixtapes, the website, the book. if anything his grind alone makes him deserving of this spot. cant hate on the hustle

8. Fabolous
--its about time he's recognized. he has been the underdog for a minute in the game & he finally put in enough work & got himself outta that postion. Loso's Way was the 1st of 2 albums i bought this year. Fab has skills

7. Jeezy
--i think Jeezy's been asleep. after "President is black" i cant name any of dudes projects or anything that he's done that made him stand out. I think that track is the only reason he made the list. It introduced him to a lot of folks who probably werent really tryna fuck with him prior to that. Gotta give him credit though, The Recession was a successful album. Just don't think he deserved this spot. If anything T.I shoulda had it. He's come out with track after track after track. The niggas in Jail & still got new singles coming out (that "Remember Me" joint with Mary). Thats work. I like Jeezy but not this year..

6. Gucci Mane
--call me crazy but i can see how dude got this spot. regardless of how you feel about Gucci, you gotta admit that dudes doing something right. He's fucking EVERYWHERE. & i was on the "get Gucci the fuck outta here" type shit to in the beginning but then i found myself knowing all of dudes parts in his features & liking a song more cuz he's on there & all that. i can admit that dudes rhymes arent anything spectacular but they're funny & they show his character & he seems likebale. plus his flow is so simple it just makes you wanna rap along. so shit---go head Gucci, with your ugly ass. lol. plus dont forget that dude recently came outta jail & when he went in he had like 1 single out & he wasnt anybody. so the fact that he came out & as this sort of cult following definitely says something. you dont have to like him but you gotta respect the work. i will not be sleeping on Gucci.

5.Rick Ross
--one time for the hometeam. the thing about officer Ricky is that he knows how to work a track. he knows how to make the ladies feel him & then he can make the hood fuck with him at the same time. keep in mind that this is the same dude who was a corrections officer. the hood still fucks with him hard! i ride through miami gardens everyday on my way to & from school & just about everybody still like em some Rick Ross. gon head boss man.

4.Kanye West
--Mr. West was everywhere this year. i could see him being at a higher spot but i think his whole Taylor Swift thing kinda fucked him up cuz this time the fans were able to weigh in & help create the top ten list. i still love you tho 'Ye. he's still a beast lyrically & out there creatively. what more can you ask for?

3. Drake
--this is a very controversial one. i've been speaking to my fellow hip-hop heads & not everyone thinks Drizzy deserves this spot. i disagree. he definitely deserves it. buddy practically came out of nowhere & began putting a hurting on the game. he's on everything, every time i turn on the radio i hear a Drake song. during like 20 minutes, at least one of his tracks or a feature or something will come on. he's owning it right now. some folks say he's nothing special & his fans are mostly the folks who watched Degrassi. negative. i wasnt a fan of degrassi, i just began watching it as the new season came along. i began fucking with dude after i heard "replacement girl" a couple years ago (or however long ago it was. cant really recall). i think what dude has to say is relevant though. he's a breath of fresh air. he's not really talking about fucking every girl & all that shit minus the "every girl" & "money to blow" joint. but even with joints like "money to blow" he still delves deeper. i predict Drakes gonna be around for a while. anyone beg to differ? its ok..i'll wait

2. Lil Wayne
--he too has been on everything. grinding hard. even when he's not working on his music, he's putting somebody on. still has crazy lyrical skills. i do think Drake out shined him this year at certain times..

1. Jay Z
--he deserves it. Blueprint III is the 2nd album i've bought this year & every single track was sick. EVERY SINGLE JOINT could have been a single. every single joint could have been the leading track. his flow is sharp & lyrically he's not to be fucked with. this man broke Elvis Presley's record for the most #1 records sold by a solo artist. not even mad at the Jigga man. thats how you come out of retirement.

overall: im content with the list. some ppl should have reversed spots & others just should not have been there but...not too shabby

.truth.

2009-10-04T23:07:00.003-04:00

"i urge everyone to treat each day as if it's your last & tell that special someone you love them today. Don't wait. It may be too late"
---Kandi Burruss

think it. envision it. say it. achieve it.

2009-10-04T13:47:00.007-04:00

planning...

2009-10-03T19:22:00.002-04:00

...an often overlooked key to success.

have you planned today?

learning..

2009-10-03T19:14:00.003-04:00

courtesy of: photobucket.com

as i sit here...

2009-10-02T16:28:00.004-04:00

...type bored at work, im gonna share all the random shit flying through mi cabeza.

ima try & type em quick before i move onto the next thought.

this shall be interesting

--why do i combine my languages when i speak? (example above)

--how i got on a jacket & still manage to be freezing? the only things exposed are my hands and feet!--at least im not hot though. ugh. hate the heat

--is he gonna text me back already?

--maybe i should call him when i get off

--maybe not

--cant believe i left the house with chipped nails this morning. unfreakingacceptable

--i want my check already. can the 9th fuck around & be tomorrow or something?? sheesh

--should i keep my hair short or get extensions? im thinking short & just switch up the style. pull a Sienna Miller or Rihanna or something. my joint more resembles Keri Hilsons right about now

--i need a pedicure

--o em gee. is that ash i see?! wheres my lotion

--i want some new earings

--sex sex sex.sex.sexsexsexsexsexsex

--some big hoops. ima bring doorknockers back

--sex.sex.sexsex

--last saturday was awesomeness

--what am i gonna do tomorrow?

--ooo. got that optometrist appointment...

--i wonder how much to get em too rush my contacts....

--i want food. feed me! feed me! feed me!

--maybe i really should fuck around & find me a chef as a boyfriend cuz Lord knows im not cooking every day...